My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
