So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
