I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
