Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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