Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
