Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
