Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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