Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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