worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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