you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
