I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
