I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
