I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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