i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
