Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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