I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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