I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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