He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
