She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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