you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
