I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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