Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
