That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
