ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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