Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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