just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
