I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
