capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
