After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
