Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
