I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
