i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
