last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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