We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
