tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
