I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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