You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
