I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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