i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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