I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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