im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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