I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
