Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
