He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
