I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
