did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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