her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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