I cockslap morals
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
