can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
