well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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