dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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