its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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