Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish there were birth control emojis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
