you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you bring me the toilet please
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
