I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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