I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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